all things

Each night I fall asleep hoping that I'll get another glimpse into that well from which can come all good things.

I have seen it once, and once only, and while I count myself lucky to have seen it, I also know that I will crave it my whole life with no hope of satiation.

I wake up each morning disappointed that it did not come, or that I did not go, and another day begins without dream.

I think back to how I felt that morning, what it was like to wake up and to know and then to write.  I had communed with someone or something that simply knew.  So then I was able to know myself, and even though there were questions and confusion and limitations, I still communicated without static for but a moment.  It felt different.  It felt amazing and right.

Even now as I reflect back on an eight year old event, I still can feel it's residue coursing through some outer extra-circulatory system that is igniting neurons that have been dormant since that morning.  My brain clarified: my heart resonant within my chest again.

The moments following my dream were vibrant.  I felt a hollow channel, conducting words from there to here, really just allowing them passage and staying out of the way.  Today, all day, has been muted, as if to allow passage through time again, connecting that moment to this one.  Reminding me that purpose thrives outside of conscious, and I don't know why but those words are extremely important for me and for what is to happen next.  Today has been a golden day - a golden hour extended beyond its typical evening routine.

I am happy.

There is a hint of anxiety, of the unknown future moments where I'll be stepping out of this mechanism and stepping back into the regular time stream, where my family waits for me.  Will I remember?  Will there be another eight years before I can commune with Dream again?  Or can I bring the two time streams together, ushering in a new self to exist over top of the old as a mantle?

Dream, here is what you have said to me today.  I know that my typing of it will be the first I am able to recognize it.  There is nothing in the forebrain yet:

You have said to me that there will be times where we can meet.  And I will know the day because I have seen the signs.  There is a feel to those days, and I can know them with confidence now.

You have said to me that I am not only welcome, but that I am significant beyond my routines.  Waiting is still an integral part of my role, but rest now knowing that something difficult lies ahead.  Am I prepared?  I do not know.

There will be people that I must work with, but I do not know them yet.  I will recognize them as I recognize the moments of clarity and commune.

My time is nearing an end.  I cannot know how to take this.  But conviction is required to maintain the connection between moments.  Wavering in this will cause threads to unravel and for moments again to be separated.  Not irreparably.  But the mantle may pass to another.

Do not forsake your family.  Possibly the mantle is to be passed here.

If you do not take proper rest, your mind and body will be too weak to do what needs done.

Do not forsake friends.  They are to be of help to you.

Lastly:  I may never know if I have control, but I must always know that I still have responsibility.


#gettingtoknowthequantumself